I get that feeling every year before Bella's cardiology visit. Each year I've been reassured that the world is functioning normal and it's just a symptom of my crazy anxiety.
This year it was not so reassuring. This visit, the annual visit is now increased to 6 months... that is never a good sign when the doctor wants to see you more often. I sat there listening to my husband's voice over the phone and the tears began to swell up. She wasn't doing so well anymore and the worst began to appear in my mind.
The loss of a child is the worst kind of loss out there and I can't begin to imagine the feeling. If this was only a fraction then it would probably kill me. Yes, I'm jumping to the extreme. Realization that this situation is getting worse, never to get better until a surgery, is frightening. The chest pains were not from a chest cold, they were a symptom of the worsening of her condition.
Sometimes you forget that you have a child with "special needs" like a heart condition. Sometimes you just think that they will grow up strong and healthy to an old age. You forget through all the normalcy and good times.
You take the normalcy for granted.