I've been having this awful feeling looming over my head for some time now. You know how you get that negative thought that creeps into the deepest crevice of your brain and just stays there? That's the feeling and I've tried talking myself into making life changes for some time now but nothing seems to give me the REAL kick in the butt.
Until last weekend...
I had been muddling over a dull and achy chest pain for several days until I decided that it was time to stop avoiding the doctors. See, I really hate going to hospitals and I loath blood draws. Really any form of a prick to my skin has me terrified from a horrifying past hospital experience and a 60 year old nurse who couldn't read my name on an id bracelet because her eyes were so bad yet she continued to poke at my veins for and IV.
I was shaking as they urgently rushed me to the back because when you go to the ER with chest pain that is the fastest way to the front of the line. I was in an EKG within minutes of entering the ER.
I waited with such anxious anticipation for some results, for someone to tell me yes or no. I started wondering what would need to be done if there was a real problem. Would I need surgery or would there be a simple procedure. What if it was a pulmonary embolism? OMG the thoughts kept racing and racing and then I thought of my little girls and what if something did go wrong and they were without their mother? Would my husband be able to raise them on his own? How would that even work out?
"GOD, pleeasse let this be a false alarm. I swear I will do better and really appreciate and work on myself to be around for these girls and my husband."
Why does it seem like I only pray when I desperately need something. It didn't used to be that way. I sued to be grateful and pray every day for the blessings in my life. Why did I get so used to everything being okay that I didn't feel the need to pray?
Isn't that how we are with our health, too? We only seem concerned when there's a problem.
After a series of tests, including a blood test and a painful IV, I was told that my heart looks good and there isn't concern of a pulmonary embolism. PHEW!
I'll admit that I'm dangerously overweight and I really need to work on my stress levels but it takes an incident like this to start visualizing a life less then what you dream, a life that involves health issues, maybe being in a wheel chair and not being able to do the things you take for granted.
God gave us this beautiful instrument and while I'm still able to move I need to start paying it the attention deserved. It's a real offense to those who have physical disabilities that aren't able to work on their physical fitness. Because we are able, we should be working on our physical fitness daily. I have not.
I have to ask myself why I wouldn't want to be alive and feel good enough in next 10 to 20 years to be able to do the things I dream of doing with my family. While I'm still able, I need to make it happen!